The Beauty of the Unmarried Years

Singleness..it's a period everyone must go through. Some think it's dreadful. Others embrace it for selfish pursuits. Whatever the perspective, the way we use it is crucial because it will determine whether the ride is smooth, bumpy, profitable, or wasteful. We must evaluate ourselves and ask: how are we spending it?

Singleness can truly be a lovely time of one's life. Contrary to the world's opinion that you should always have a guy on your arm or that being single is a curse, the unmarried years can be full of wonderful opportunities. This is not the time to waste it on frivolous things or wait idly for Prince Charming. There's so many things to accomplish!

As an unmarried young lady, I hope you see what an incredible chance you have to focus all your time and energies on valuable things---pursuits that will strengthen you as a Christian and prepare you for life ahead. This time of singleness is the prime period to grow, mature, learn and serve. It is also the incredible season to seek the Lord with your whole heart. We must use them wisely.

I don't think many young ladies realize the value of their youth and their years before marriage. For a majority of singles it is primarily a time for pursing relationships with guys, having fun, hanging out with friends, and trying to fit in. Of course, there's nothing wrong with enjoying life or friendships, but when we make this our focus and we spend a majority of our time doing so, we are wasting this season on things that are not most important.

I am extremely grateful for the way my parents have helped me invest my growing up years. Yes, they were overflowing with enjoyable events, wonderful friendships and precious memories, but it was not the whole. It was also full of many lessons, maturing in many ways, learning important skills and more.

My parents did not allow me to date as I was growing up. Because I was homeschooled and also had my own convictions, this wasn't really a problem or a struggle, but I didn't realize at the time what a blessing this actually was! Because I wasn't tangled into boys or dating relationships, I was free to focus on beneficial things. Instead my priorities were on my spiritual growth and deepening my walk with the the Lord, maturing as a young lady, developing character traits, making friendships of all ages, learning new skills, and developing necessary responsibilities required for life and adulthood. I greatly recognize what a privilege it has been to use my growing up years in this way. While they haven't been perfect, I am thankful for the wisdom of my parents to steer me in a good direction. If I had done the opposite I would have missed so many opportunities and lessons.

I share this with you because I want to let you know that you don't have to spend your teenage or single years as our society encourages us . These years before marriage are some of the most valuable ones you'll ever have. We must make the most of them.

1 Corinthians 11:13
There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world, how she may please her husband.

So, no matter what your age, what are some practical things we should be doing right now?


1) Mature/Emerse yourself in your walk with Christ

This is by far the best thing you could ever do with your years before marriage. Use this time to learn to love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. Because the potential for serving the Lord and doing much for the kingdom of God are great and endless, you should embrace this opportunity. There will never be a time like this again for you to put all your focus on God and His work. Emerse yourself in God's presence, His Word, and ministry for Him. Give Him your undivided heart. This is the time to really fall in love with Him and to develop your relationship with Him in a very special way.

2) Prepare for a future husband

Your single years are the time to be preparing for marriage (if it's God's plan for your life). I have read countless number of testimonies from women who said they wish they prepared for the role of wife, mother, and homemaker. Take advantage of this time by developing essential homemaking skills that you will need not only in marriage but in life itself which include: cooking, cleaning, organizing, laundry, sewing, etc. Too many teens are unskilled in these areas that they don't know where to begin once they're married or out on their own!

What about the qualities you'll need as a mother such as training, discipling, loving and raising children? You can begin practicing these.

It's also important to understand your future role of being a helper to your husband, as this is one reason God created you if you marry (Gen. 2:18). Learn to be submissive to your parents and to serve those around you. Most of all I would say the best practice to being a wife is building character which leads to the next point....


3) Grow in character

Whether you marry or not, growing in character is one of the most important things you can do during your period of singleness. Apart of God's plan for you as a Christian is to grow more like Jesus Christ (2 Cor. 3:18). God desires you to bear fruit and grow more and more into His Son's image. Doing this is one of the ways we glorify God while we are on earth.

Growing in character is also essential for a future Christ-honoring marriage. Who you are right now is who you'll be when you're married. Are you preparing to be a godly wife? Are you striving to develop important character qualities that are critical for life and marriage such as:

-Humility (Jam. 4:6)
-A meek and quiet spirit (1 Pet. 3:4)
-A submissive spirit (Eph. 5:22)
-Patience (Jam. 5:8)
-Thankfulness (1 Thess. 5:18)
-Trustworthiness (Prov. 31:11)
-Faithfulness (1 Tim. 3:11; Prov. 31:11)
-Forgiveness (Matt. 6:14)
-Selflessness (Luke 6:38)
-A servant's heart (Matt. 23:11; Matt. 25:40)
-A non-complaining spirit (Prov. 25:24)
-And many more?

This is the time to begin bearing fruit and becoming more like Christ. Don't wait!


4) Learn to be content

Contentment is one of the most beautiful parts of a fulfilling Christian life. Paul says that godliness with contentment is great gain (1 Timothy 6:6). No matter where life leads you--to the marriage altar, to the mission field, or a whole life of singleness--learning to be content will only forever benefit you and bring glory to God. Christ tells us to be content (1 Tim. 6:8; Heb. 13:5) so it is no question whether we should strive for it or not. But learning to do so now, while you are yet maturing or still unmarried, is the greatest season to do so. Strive to be grateful for all you have and not to complain. It can be difficult but if you're practicing now you will be more prepared for whatever God has for you ahead.


5) Learn to serve others

Part of the process of becoming like Christ is learning to serve others as He did. It certainly doesn't come naturally but it must be practiced. Before you are married you have the best opportunity to put all your energies into freely serving others. It's also a great time to learn and practice putting others before yourself including your family, roommates, friends, co-workers, people in your church, or anyone He brings your way. Unlike the culture's ideal that you are selfish, self-centered, and looking out for only yourself----use it to impact Christ's kingdom! Serve the Lord by serving others and practicing humility. It will be a huge blessing to your life whether you marry one day or not. Don't forget that God calls servants the greatest (Matt. 23:11) and whomever you serve you are ultimately serving Jesus Christ Himself (Matt. 25:40).

~*~

Now that I have shared five fundamental examples of ways you can be investing your unmarried years, my question is: how are you doing? I am also asking myself as I occasionally lose focus and can always make improvements. Are you learning to love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength? Are you preparing to possibly be a godly wife to a man one day? Are you developing essential character qualities, spiritual disciplines, and homemaking skills? Are you striving to learn to be content and serve those around you? With all of this and more there is so much potential!

As we purpose to make investments in things that are truly meaningful, we will continue to bear and reap many blessings. And once we have a ring on our finger, hopefully we will be able to look back on our unmarried years not in regret but joy. There's so many ways to be serving God now and reaching out to other people. Lets use this time of singleness with wisdom and get busy for the glory of God!

Modesty is Part of Your Ministry

While modesty is not popular (or favored) today, there are many reasons ladies of God must cover up. Several obvious ones would be that we are commanded by God in Scripture (1 Tim. 2:9), we don't want to encourage adultery in fellow males (Matt. 5:28), we have to be different from the world (Rom. 12:2), and so forth. Yet there's a much more pressing reason why modesty is so serious.

While reading Amy Carmichael's biography, one story in her ministry spoke volumes to me. While Amy was on her first venture to witness to the people of Japan, she was offered to wear a kimono instead of her English style of dress but she declined because of comfort reasons. When she arrived to an elderly lady's home and began to tell her of Jesus and what He had done for her, the woman listened intently and Amy said that she was ever close to receiving Christ as her Savior. Then all of the sudden the lady took notice of Amy's English fur gloves...something the native had never seen before. As the lady started touching them and asking questions, Amy knew at that moment she had lost her. She determined to never wear her English attire while doing mission work again.

This story stood out to me because it reminded me of the power of distraction, because in the same way, immodesty is a distraction and we lose the power of the gospel when we dress in a revealing way. When we emphasize or display our feminine assets, we put people's eyes, thoughts, and attention on ourself instead of Christ. How can a man think on eternal things when we are distracting him with our body parts? And how can we let our lights shine for the glory of God when we are drawing all eyes to our skin and our sense of style?

If we get to the root of immodesty, we would simply find that it is purely selfish. It's wearing what I want to wear; it's getting everyone to notice me; it's making me feel good; it's broadcasting my good looks; it's getting what I desire (i.e. attention or a man)...These are not to be the intentions of a woman of God. You have been saved by the blood of Christ and are to now to glorify God with your body (1 Cor. 6:20). How can this be done in provocative clothing?

It grieves me because too many precious girls who proclaim to love God are not obeying His commandments (John 14:15). They want to do great things for the Lord but don't realize that they must begin with obediently doing as He says. If you truly desire to minister to others for the glory of Christ, may I suggest starting with modesty? It truly is a ministry. Every time you deny to wear that "cute" yet revealing blouse, you are helping your brothers not to stumble into sin and are therefore aiding their walk with God. Every time you cover up and dress in a feminine style, you are honoring your Creator by delighting in the way He made you and are being an example. And every time you decide to not to dress like the world in their skimpy trends, you are being a light for Christ and are therefore giving Him the glory (Mat. 5:16).

Whether we are verbally spreading the gospel or not, we represent the Lord and are walking examples of the gospel on a daily basis. Your clothes send a message. Let me ask you, dear sisters-in-Christ, is that message one that tributes to the gospel or your selfish desires? Is it one that points to Christ or to yourself? While you should delight in being a female, God did not create you to display your feminine secrets to all passers-by. We are not to be a looking glass to our own charms but rather a reflection of what Christ has done. When you cover up with a desire to please your Lord, you are showing a dark world the change God has so graciously worked in your heart (2 Cor. 5:17).

Our life should be a ministry, and as we share the gospel with all creatures (Mark 16:15) modesty must be apart of that ministry. As we choose to cover up, we will be a greater testimony for a hurting world and will honor our Lord as we seek to prevent distracting others from the gospel.

When we choose our clothes for the day, may we dress in such a way that when people see us they see not ourself, but the One who saved our soul and is changing us to become more and more like Him (2 Cor. 3:18).