The Beauty of the Unmarried Years

Singleness..it's a period everyone must go through. Some think it's dreadful. Others embrace it for selfish pursuits. Whatever the perspective, the way we use it is crucial because it will determine whether the ride is smooth, bumpy, profitable, or wasteful. We must evaluate ourselves and ask: how are we spending it?

Singleness can truly be a lovely time of one's life. Contrary to the world's opinion that you should always have a guy on your arm or that being single is a curse, the unmarried years can be full of wonderful opportunities. This is not the time to waste it on frivolous things or wait idly for Prince Charming. There's so many things to accomplish!

As an unmarried young lady, I hope you see what an incredible chance you have to focus all your time and energies on valuable things---pursuits that will strengthen you as a Christian and prepare you for life ahead. This time of singleness is the prime period to grow, mature, learn and serve. It is also the incredible season to seek the Lord with your whole heart. We must use them wisely.

I don't think many young ladies realize the value of their youth and their years before marriage. For a majority of singles it is primarily a time for pursing relationships with guys, having fun, hanging out with friends, and trying to fit in. Of course, there's nothing wrong with enjoying life or friendships, but when we make this our focus and we spend a majority of our time doing so, we are wasting this season on things that are not most important.

I am extremely grateful for the way my parents have helped me invest my growing up years. Yes, they were overflowing with enjoyable events, wonderful friendships and precious memories, but it was not the whole. It was also full of many lessons, maturing in many ways, learning important skills and more.

My parents did not allow me to date as I was growing up. Because I was homeschooled and also had my own convictions, this wasn't really a problem or a struggle, but I didn't realize at the time what a blessing this actually was! Because I wasn't tangled into boys or dating relationships, I was free to focus on beneficial things. Instead my priorities were on my spiritual growth and deepening my walk with the the Lord, maturing as a young lady, developing character traits, making friendships of all ages, learning new skills, and developing necessary responsibilities required for life and adulthood. I greatly recognize what a privilege it has been to use my growing up years in this way. While they haven't been perfect, I am thankful for the wisdom of my parents to steer me in a good direction. If I had done the opposite I would have missed so many opportunities and lessons.

I share this with you because I want to let you know that you don't have to spend your teenage or single years as our society encourages us . These years before marriage are some of the most valuable ones you'll ever have. We must make the most of them.

1 Corinthians 11:13
There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world, how she may please her husband.

So, no matter what your age, what are some practical things we should be doing right now?


1) Mature/Emerse yourself in your walk with Christ

This is by far the best thing you could ever do with your years before marriage. Use this time to learn to love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. Because the potential for serving the Lord and doing much for the kingdom of God are great and endless, you should embrace this opportunity. There will never be a time like this again for you to put all your focus on God and His work. Emerse yourself in God's presence, His Word, and ministry for Him. Give Him your undivided heart. This is the time to really fall in love with Him and to develop your relationship with Him in a very special way.

2) Prepare for a future husband

Your single years are the time to be preparing for marriage (if it's God's plan for your life). I have read countless number of testimonies from women who said they wish they prepared for the role of wife, mother, and homemaker. Take advantage of this time by developing essential homemaking skills that you will need not only in marriage but in life itself which include: cooking, cleaning, organizing, laundry, sewing, etc. Too many teens are unskilled in these areas that they don't know where to begin once they're married or out on their own!

What about the qualities you'll need as a mother such as training, discipling, loving and raising children? You can begin practicing these.

It's also important to understand your future role of being a helper to your husband, as this is one reason God created you if you marry (Gen. 2:18). Learn to be submissive to your parents and to serve those around you. Most of all I would say the best practice to being a wife is building character which leads to the next point....


3) Grow in character

Whether you marry or not, growing in character is one of the most important things you can do during your period of singleness. Apart of God's plan for you as a Christian is to grow more like Jesus Christ (2 Cor. 3:18). God desires you to bear fruit and grow more and more into His Son's image. Doing this is one of the ways we glorify God while we are on earth.

Growing in character is also essential for a future Christ-honoring marriage. Who you are right now is who you'll be when you're married. Are you preparing to be a godly wife? Are you striving to develop important character qualities that are critical for life and marriage such as:

-Humility (Jam. 4:6)
-A meek and quiet spirit (1 Pet. 3:4)
-A submissive spirit (Eph. 5:22)
-Patience (Jam. 5:8)
-Thankfulness (1 Thess. 5:18)
-Trustworthiness (Prov. 31:11)
-Faithfulness (1 Tim. 3:11; Prov. 31:11)
-Forgiveness (Matt. 6:14)
-Selflessness (Luke 6:38)
-A servant's heart (Matt. 23:11; Matt. 25:40)
-A non-complaining spirit (Prov. 25:24)
-And many more?

This is the time to begin bearing fruit and becoming more like Christ. Don't wait!


4) Learn to be content

Contentment is one of the most beautiful parts of a fulfilling Christian life. Paul says that godliness with contentment is great gain (1 Timothy 6:6). No matter where life leads you--to the marriage altar, to the mission field, or a whole life of singleness--learning to be content will only forever benefit you and bring glory to God. Christ tells us to be content (1 Tim. 6:8; Heb. 13:5) so it is no question whether we should strive for it or not. But learning to do so now, while you are yet maturing or still unmarried, is the greatest season to do so. Strive to be grateful for all you have and not to complain. It can be difficult but if you're practicing now you will be more prepared for whatever God has for you ahead.


5) Learn to serve others

Part of the process of becoming like Christ is learning to serve others as He did. It certainly doesn't come naturally but it must be practiced. Before you are married you have the best opportunity to put all your energies into freely serving others. It's also a great time to learn and practice putting others before yourself including your family, roommates, friends, co-workers, people in your church, or anyone He brings your way. Unlike the culture's ideal that you are selfish, self-centered, and looking out for only yourself----use it to impact Christ's kingdom! Serve the Lord by serving others and practicing humility. It will be a huge blessing to your life whether you marry one day or not. Don't forget that God calls servants the greatest (Matt. 23:11) and whomever you serve you are ultimately serving Jesus Christ Himself (Matt. 25:40).

~*~

Now that I have shared five fundamental examples of ways you can be investing your unmarried years, my question is: how are you doing? I am also asking myself as I occasionally lose focus and can always make improvements. Are you learning to love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength? Are you preparing to possibly be a godly wife to a man one day? Are you developing essential character qualities, spiritual disciplines, and homemaking skills? Are you striving to learn to be content and serve those around you? With all of this and more there is so much potential!

As we purpose to make investments in things that are truly meaningful, we will continue to bear and reap many blessings. And once we have a ring on our finger, hopefully we will be able to look back on our unmarried years not in regret but joy. There's so many ways to be serving God now and reaching out to other people. Lets use this time of singleness with wisdom and get busy for the glory of God!