A Love That Lasts

My family and I went to go see the movie Fireproof last week and what a fantastic movie it was. I am thrilled to see such godly stories and messages projected onto the movie screen! If you haven't seen it I'd highly encourage you to go see it soon! It was very well done, God-glorifying and the movie's message greatly touched me. I think the movie portrayed many ideas but the one and that spoke to me most was what true love is all about.

True love is a subject the Lord has been teaching me this year. I've known the fact that love is much more than what most boyfriends and girlfriends have for each other these days but I don't think I have understood what it truly indicates for awhile now.

I really got to thinking about the true meaning of love after I read a novel earlier this year by Karen Kingsbury. It's rare that I read fiction but I happened one day to spot it sitting in our bookcase and I had to finish it after reading the first few pages. The story was about a godly woman's husband caught up in an affair. Biblically, Katherine (the main character), had the right to leave her husband because of his adultery, but instead she was determined with God's help to restore their marriage because of the commitment she made to him many years ago at the altar. She realized the seriousness of the marriage covenant when she had promised to love her husband no matter what happened. She didn't have to seek restoration but she wanted to. It was a beautiful and powerful story of forgiveness, love and redemption. It demonstrated the kind of love the Lord would desire us to have to one another and it really left an impression on me.

It was so refreshing to see the same message in Fireproof. It greatly touched me because the concept of true love is so rare today. It is one thing many of us lack and I do believe if couples knew the price of it before they married many divorces could be avoided.

The world has a very shallow definition of love. Romantic love between a man and woman is the only form that most are acquainted with. We have been greatly deceived by this unrealistic interpretation through the movies, television and songs around us. But instead reality and common sense reveal that couples who love each other don't always feel ooey gooey about the other person! Sadly, most people don't know love any other way because the world's ideas is all they've ever known and experienced. And once those "lovey-dovey" feelings leave, they automatically assume that love must not be there anymore.

Many of us commonly use the word "love" flippantly these days. We hear dating couples repeatibly throw the words "I love you" around without seriousness or commitment. "I'm in love" and "we've fallen in love" are popular declarations. Everyone frequently and casually uses the word in exclaiming such things as, "I love going to the beach," or "I just love pizza!" Perhaps this is the same attitude we have many times in how we treat other people. Why do we "love" pizza? Because it satisfies our cravings. In the same way we usually love others only because that persons pleases us, makes us happy, and benefits us in some way. Do we really have any idea of the actual meaning and price of this four letter word?

Let it be known that the world has no idea what love really is. They absolutely have not a clue. Because it is equated frequently with romantic feelings it's no wonder marriages one by one are breaking apart at rapid speed. Marriages cannot be built upon feelings and fairy-tale butterflies. If they are they will not survive through the storms. And difficulties will come. No marriage is promised romantic bliss throughout the entire covenant.

This is what real love is:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
—I Corinthians 13:4-8a (NIV)

The Word of God is the only way we can identify true love and 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a is the ultimate test. I think we as Christians have read this verse so many times that we've lost the meaning of it. But these are the characteristics of what real, genuine love actually looks like. These qualities are clearly portrayed in God and in our Lord. I really like what John Coblentz said:

"Contrary to popular thought, one does not "fall in" love. One can easily enough fall head over heels into lovely-dovey feelings. One can fall into sexual sin. But the love that holds marriages together through years of good and bad times is cultivated through wise choices and faithfulness to one's commitments. God not only tells us what love is like, but He also has shown the meaning of love by the way He relates to us. He is committed to our good even through great personal sacrifice. He is faithful. He is patient and kind. He shows us respect even when we do not deserve it. He stays true to His standards and true to His commitments to us even we fail Him. God's own example defines love for us and shows us how we are love in the covenant relationship of marriage."

God is the ultimate example of sincere love! The Bible tells us that He IS love! (1 Jh 4:7) The way that God shows love towards you and I is how He wants us to love other people.

Biblical love is:

-The act of one person seeking the good of another
-Unselfish concern for another's welfare
-Sacrificing for the good of another
-Selfless giving without anything in return

It is:

-Patient
-Kind
-Does not envy
-Does not boast
-Not proud
-Not rude
-Not self-seeking
-Not easily angered
-Keeps no records of wrongs
-Does not delight in evil but in truth
-Always protects
-Always trusts
-Always hopes
-Always preserves
-It never fails

God has shown and continues to show all of this to us even though we don't deserve any it. That is TRUE love!

Knowing what true love is I would now like to briefly dispel the world's lies by examining what true love is NOT.

True love is not selfish. It is almost impossible to genuinely love someone when you are self-centered. True devotion will always lead to action for what's best for the other person and you can't do that if you are being selfish. At the beginning of the movie Fireproof, Caleb and and his wife were very self-centered people and that's a great reason why they were having so many problems. True love is not selfish.

Premarital sex is not true love! Our culture teaches that love and sex should go hand in hand but this is a deceptive lie. Sex is only allowed by God within the covenant of marriage. Outside of marriage it is not only a sin but it is purely selfish. It breaks my heart to hear of couples committing fornication in the name of "because we love each other!" It's far from true care and devotion. Premartial sex is not patient, it is not kind, it does not protect and it is selfish. It is not love!

True love is not a feeling. It is very grievous because love today is considered primarily an emotion. "I love you because I feel love towards you and when I no longer feel that I don't love you anymore." It's a weak foundation which doesn't endure. Do you think Jesus felt like dying on the cross for us? No, He loved us so much that he chose to do so. Although real love can be and is often accompanied by strong feelings, love cannot be based exclusively on how we feel. It is not entirely an emotion; No, it's not void of feeling but it is not lead by it either. Rather it is an action or a deliberate choice. You choose whether you want to love or not show love to someone. Jesus CHOSE to die in our place. When couples say, "I don't love him/her anymore. We fell out of love with one another..." in reality they made that choice to stop loving and it was most likely never really love in the first place.

The feelings obvious weren't involved when Caleb first starting showing kindness to his wife in Fireproof. She was cold, unresponsive and showed no feelings of affection back towards his caring gestures. But he didn't give up and instead continued showing her unselfish love even when she didn't deserve it. That's what Biblical love really boils down to: it is loving the person even when they don't deserve it. It means giving without anything in return.

This is exactly what Christ did for us. Do we deserve his gift of salvation? Of course not! Did Jesus deserve to die? Absolutely not! But Jesus truly loved us and suffered so we could be reconciled with God. Jesus didn't need the cross but we did and because of that He died for us. That is Biblical love. I don't think I'll or anyone else will ever truly understand the cost and debt of that kind of love.

In a marriage or any relationship there will be bumps in the road but it is the choices that get you through not the feelings. This is the foundation that solid marriages and relationships are built upon. It's not easy but it is much more sacred and long lasting that romantic feelings will ever be. It is the kind of love that God has portrayed and continues to give us and that we need to share with other people.

Is it hard? Yes, it is. It certainly doesn't come naturally. The Bible tells us to love our enemies! Do you think that's a part of our nature to do so? Certainly not. And if we were to wait until we "felt" like loving the people we don't really care for do you think it would ever happen? But since we are children of God, loving others (whether that'll be our spouse, future spouse, family, friends, strangers or enemies) is what God has called us to do. We are to love as He loved. Aren't you so thankful for that kind of love that God faithfully shows toward us? I sure am!

Conclusion:

Let me end by sharing a quote by Harriett Sun:

Only after experiencing and knowing the unconditional love that God has for us, the love that drove God to send his Son to die for us on earth, can we begin to love others with the same quality of unconditional love.

We can only genuinely love by God's example and with His help. It is my prayer that as we experience the love God continues to give to us that we will desire to give it out to others. It is the only kind of love that lasts and survives through the highs and the lows. May we be persistent to choose to love others as God is so faithful to do to us.

• Extra note:

Test your relationships and take the "Is it really love?" test:

Ask yourself these questions:

▪ Are you patient with each other?
▪ Are you kind to each other?
▪ Are you never envious of each other?
▪ Do you never boast about yourself?
▪ Is your relationship characterized by humility?
▪ Are you never rude to each other?
▪ Are you not self-seeking?
▪ Are you not easily angered with each other?
▪ Do you keep no record of wrongs?
▪ Are you truthful with each other?
▪ Do you protect each other?
▪ Do you trust each other?